To Move To Decide,is all our choice

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Damn! I forgot to transfer all my post from my phoes to blogger!. I think I got 7 posts in total.
Yesterday shouldn't have synchronise the messeges in my phone to my new phone.

Anyway, for the past 5months was happening. Major thing first, I've quitted school though initially not alot people will know but when time goes by, somehow more and more people know about it. Some of them I didn't even tell them myself and how they know? I will feel tired of saying the same thing over and over again. Everyone will ask the same thing, "Why you quit school?" Those who know me more will ask one more, "I thought you still got one more year to go?"

Alright, I don't have another year to go but is more than that. The other reasons I don't wish to explain again. Sorry for those who wasn't informed even though they were always meeting me.

The other thing is that I've quitted my job at Nokia for my trainings on Saturdays, but somehow I still can't get stable yet...
Problems keep coming from everywhere, my training BeiQuanDao, work place Home-Fix, family matters again... and also my friends.

I just keep wondering who can I survive in the future? I seems to be low educated and sounded useless.. Its like nothing I will be able to do much. Come to it, I will loose out in alot of things...

Posted by DingShanBen at 1:40 AM

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Currently doing my project hich got to hand in by tomorrow to my group leader before 8pm. After tons of readings just don't get into my mind. Wondering can I really still study or not. My this entire semester is just slacking, didn't study for my papers, already know I failed one of the paper. Seriously I know I am losing interest in studying and wasted alot time. already drifting away from school, from studies.

I always couldn't make up my mind properly. I am flicker minded, generally a loser.

I think I had been running from things, running away from my stress and my task. And this question kept popping out my my head ; 'Why others can do so easily but I can't?'

Remembered few weeks ago went over to my sister's place. She asked me how's my studies, as usual. But this time round I gave her a different answer. I said : I don't know, very stressful and I seriously couldn't cope with it. And I thought of not studying.
Then she asked me, 'If you don't want to study anymore, then what is your plan then? If you stop your studies now, you got to go army already.'
She neither encouraging to study nor don't study. But she's asking if what am I going to do next.
Just like my mum or my dad, they don't ask much of my studies before but than let me decide my own and they don't have any objections on anything.

Then my sister told me about my cousin, Edwin. Recently ORD from army and my sister told me that he actually got no plan yet.
After that I got to met him up and he told me that he is looking for a job now and there is one pending.

Screwed life...

Posted by DingShanBen at 3:07 PM

Friday, November 16, 2007

Currently doing a project on stress. Nice topic for me. I am stress now!! Will I be able to do it easily then? I dough so, this topic is so big and wide and how am I going to start? I msged my that group leader and never reply me. Today's the deadluine I got to hand my parts to her but now, I haven't even start. I guess everyone i worrying about the clinical lab test in less than 2 weeks time, also the theory test on next wednesday. Yup, theory test next week -.-
Honestly, I yet started studying up. Who can be my god to bless me?

The job I am looking for isn't replying me and I ad waited for like 3 weeks. I skipped my weekends for just that job. I am afraid that they will suddenly call me up and ask me to work or something? Hence my Home-Fix I am like working 2 days a week? How am I going to survive the following month? Its reaching the end of the year and I bt that got to spend money again. Also got to prepare a sum of money to survive through my attachments period. This is how is goes; I am having attachments for 3 weeks, followed by my semestral exams, then 3 more weeks of attachments. Total them up , I will be like 2 months no work?? Imangine the no-income days for a mth or so. Look at the amount they are paying for attachments? $10/DAY.
When the money will be deposit to my bank also not sure. Its like, how my finance going to plan for that period of time?!

Anyway, these few weeks had been wondering and something in mind telling me to quit. I just can't simplily quit. I need to carry on. I will try.

Sometimes I heard something that irritates my ear. Someone saying ' sian, pay school fees then no money liao.' This sentence do make sense, but for that particular person, who went shopping every week, carrying all those branded stuffs, and got don't know how much a month WITHOUT working, and can take cab like free flow, after paying the school fees cried that got no money.

Anyway, I am doing my best to spend as little as I can, and saving up every month. Hopefully everything will go smoothly.

Posted by DingShanBen at 12:56 PM

Thursday, October 25, 2007

25th Oct 2007 1245hr
Passing lonesome days. Its an hour of break after the 2hours lecture.
Sitting alone at nowhere in school, time clawing through and I don't know what to do and where to go.
There will be another 2hours of break later on,gosh! IIt's killing me.
This is a bad experience of joining another class, lost at nowhere place.

Why I fail my 1082? Seprating from my class made me doesn't belong to the school anymore.
Seeing them get going, developing and me joining a class of unknown people just can't get clip to them. How that class study gave me lots times of stress. Hopefully I can survive.

Posted by DingShanBen at 12:45 PM

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Last night's soccer game was planned quite smoothly, and almost everyone arriving but we still lack of something, very important, which is we need a soccer ball!! Reached there and there is no ball, how to play? lol. So Garrick drove only 3 of us (the rest didn't) for supper at Jalan Kayu. Unexpectedly, there were so many people at that time cause usually there isn't much.

Reached home, slept at around 3. This morning got to woke up at 7 for the TuiShou competition at Bishan CC at 0830. So tired and half-closed eyes hoping for a match which I never took part or play befrore. End up, I still couldn't get to play cause I became the odd one out -.-
So was there to watch and for the performance (:

At around 6+ in the evening, I smelled something weird, was like something burning and I thought some appliances burnt or something. I went closer to my CPU, hmmmm... no from there. Wanted to find out what was that then I realised got a huge smoke in the air just outside my block. It went thicker, then I heard stephanie's mum's voice saying the main bin caught fire!! A Rino arrived to put away the fire, so nothing serious.

Posted by DingShanBen at 8:13 PM

Thursday, October 04, 2007

I am getting tired.

Too many reponsibilities are loading on to my back, can I handle them all? Felt the pressures coming towards me, day by day, how I wish I can shake them off. Look at my family, is it getting better? My friends, left with half a year, they getting their diploma, how good isn't it?

The new school term is starting soon but I am still not receiving the new time-table. Whenever I look at my school, I felt that I can barely make it. oHope I can surf through these years smoothly.

I want to do my best in thsoe things I am handling now and I don't like to do things so shui bian. So most of them are just 'undone'. I would like to let go some but maybe beacuse of me, I couldn't bare to let go.

What I want to learn now, When its time to let go, just let go.
I want to learn about my where is my limit.

Posted by DingShanBen at 5:13 PM

Monday, September 24, 2007

Happy Birthday to Jeffrey!!
All the best to you (:

Msged few people to help to think of anyway and where can we go to celebrate his birthday but until now still nothing came out. Trying harder to think now. Jeffrey always never ask for must in anything but I never thought of having an anything also...
Ideas ideas come~~~

One whole week didn't turn up for training already. omg.... This thursday gonna go for it.

Went over to my sister's place for hair cut , short hair cut. Wanna see? see me lo (:

Posted by DingShanBen at 2:55 PM

Monday, September 17, 2007

Today was the last day of the funeral. Everyone's feeling the same, the atmosphere was so deep.Sadness and sorrow. But one thing that I don't like was, during the chanting, a group of people, the guess, was talking at the back, and one of them went off a loud laugh. What was she thinking?? Show some respect can?

Anyway, I don't want to talk into details. Its already the past (:

This morning, or rather noon, I was waken by a call from home-fix. Manager, Preska called me and ask me what happened to KaiShing. He supposed to be in the shop at that time, but he wasn't. I know what's happening to him anyway.
Last night, he told me to cover for his shift but I couldn't. So I told him Nordin will be able to give him a hand, but because of KaiShing didn't reply his message of whether really need him to cover anot, Nordin didn't went to the shop. Lol.Nothing serious though (:

Last week, one of the days, WanLing, one of my classmates, told me she passed all. And at that time I was blur. Passed all? What??
It was the results! Good to hear that and happy for her too (:
Ever since after the exams, she had been wondering alot of her papers, not forgetting her bf la. =x
Then she told me to check mine, I was like eh.... can I don't check?
In the end I did la. And I passed too!! YES!!!! I was worried of 2 of my repeating modules. They are killing me because if I fail either one of them, I'll have to say byebye to NYP (:

Yesterday had my grading. The first time I didn't prepare for a grading, addition, this is a higher level and tougher stuffs to grade. I almost die man. SO many juniors were watching and this grading, I had to spar for 3 rounds!! This is how mine works; skipping 3 mins, then POWER paddings, 1min hands and one min legs. This is killing already because we need the power and constant for the whole one min. If weaken, fail. After that is 3 rounds of sparring, 2 rounds with 2 seniors! and see blood. Lastly is physical, standard push-ups, 35 then sit-ups 35, one min each. It was said that, alot people failed for higher belt grading because of physical.

4 of us graded for this, and... all of us passed!!! YAY!! I've got my brown belt (:
Next week there is a special training on us. Wondering what would it be.

Posted by DingShanBen at 3:48 AM